Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
