Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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