Welp...herpes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
