please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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