and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I need moral support for this bender
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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