Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
