so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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