i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
