Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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