i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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