this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
