I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
