Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I understand Curling. That high.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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