my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
