there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
