I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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