Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Welp...herpes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
