The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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