I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Rumble strips road head = magical
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
