How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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