Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
