Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
bring money and cleavage
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
