dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night