look no pants
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?