I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.