why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER