I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug