I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.