she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
