It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
