Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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