She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
