would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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