Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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