Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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