So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I look better un-naked...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
