I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
