and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
