I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
