How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
