Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
