Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
