don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
