i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
