Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
