nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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