Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
