I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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