I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
