see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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