I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
