More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
