Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
