You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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