The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
