my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
