just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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