why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
