we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
