have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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