So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize