Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
