bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
