You work out of a Hotel?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
