If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
