Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
