Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
