i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
