Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
