Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
