college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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