Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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