i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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