3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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