so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
