I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
